Disclaimer: The concept and the persons of The sentinel are Pet Fly and Paramount properties. I have no intention to steal the copyright. This history and the persons whom it contains are the exclusive property of the author.

Style : slash

Summary : Blair reveals his feelings for Jim but nothing takes place as he hoped it would.

Author : I would be delighted to receive your opinion on my work, please, don't hesitate to write: scilia@club-internet.fr

Author's note : This is my first slash fic. I thank my dear beta, Raf, for the time that she dedicated for me. Happy reading.

****

"Why are you telling me this? Why now?" Jim said.

"Because for weeks it has been bothering me and I am very sure about what I’m doing." Replied Blair.

"Listen Chief, it’s impossible, you can’t..."

"What? Love you? It’s very easy for me to love you Jim and not only as a close friend but more. My feelings are very real and I hoped that you..."

"No Blair, I’m sorry but you’re asking way too much!"

Jim grabbed his jacket, opened the door and left the loft. He didn’t wait for the elevator but ran down the stairs. Once outside Jim breathed in the fresh air. He couldn't believe what Blair had told him after the dinner. Blair was in love with him...

"He put me through everything. The exotic dishes, remedies made from whatever tribe he knew and now this." Jim said to himself.

Walking down Prospect Avenue Jim disappeared into the night.

***

Blair collapsed onto the sofa. He would have never thought that Jim would react like this. He had thought about everything except that. Obviously Blair expected that at the beginning of their relation it would not be easy but Jim denying his feelings, he wouldn’t have thought that. He grabbed the telephone and dialed a number.

"Pick up, pick up!" Blair said anxiously.

"Hello?" A female voice said.

"It’s Blair. I hope I’m not disturbing you"

"No I've been waiting for your call. How did Jim take it?"

"Not the way I thought he would. He said that it was impossible and that he did not expect this from me and then he walked out."

"I am so sorry Blair, I know that's not what you hoped would happen but maybe it's just that he’s not ready yet."

"I don’t believe that Megan. I believe that everything is ruined. I just screwed up our friendship by telling Jim how I felt and now our friendship is finished." Blair said sadly.

"Blair, no..."

"I gotta go, I’ll see you tomorrow."

Blair hung up the pone and walked over to the balcony doors and stared out over the city. He would really miss this view and the loft as well but what he would miss the most was Jim.

***

Jim roamed the streets; the cold did not bother him. He hardly noticed the people who were outside. He thought about what he could have done to make his guide believe that...But there was nothing, nothing that Jim could think of.

When he had seen Blair for the first time, he wondered what the neo-hippie wanted from him and then, with time, Blair had become the rock that Jim clung to. Blair was the one who had taught him how to get control of his senses, and the best way to handle being a Sentinel. After Blair's warehouse apartment had exploded and he didn't know where to go, Jim had finally agreed to take him in for a week but that week had transformed into four years. The situation had forced itself upon them and it just seemed logical for the guide to live near his sentinel.

They had had girlfriends now and again but their friendship never suffered from it. No, that wasn’t true, Jim remembered that Alex had broken something between them but since then things had become normal again. Finally, if he though about it, Blair hadn’t had any girlfriends since the Alex fiasco. It was at that moment that he...Suddenly Jim heard an alarm ringing; Jim used his sight to zoom in on the place where the noise came from and saw a grocery clerk being robbed. He took out his weapon and silently moved toward the store. The robber turned his back to Jim and he was easily able slip into the shop but Jim hadn’t noticed that the robber was not alone...

***

The sound of the telephone ringing tore Blair’s gaze away from his surveillance over the city, glancing at his watch, Blair noted that Jim had been gone for an hour.

"Hello?" Blair said.

"Blair, it’s Simon. There’s a problem with Jim."

"That’s not possible, Simon, he left to go for a walk. He should be home soon."

"He’s at the Holy Matthews hospital, in the ICU."

"My god, what happened? How is he?" Blair asked anxiously.

"There was a holdup at a grocery store, he tried to arrest the thief but Jim didn’t realize there was another robber in the store and the second robber shot him. He’s in serious condition but I have no other information at the moment." Simon explained.

"I’m on my way!" Blair told Simon. He hung up the phone and ran for the door.

***

"Freeze! Cascade Police, put down your weapon!"

"Fucking hell! We can’t even rob a grocery store quietly without any cops knowing! What, you cops have a built in radar or what?" The robber declared.

"Put your weapon on the floor and everything will be all right." Jim said calmly. "Look, I don’t want anyone to get hurt, please, be smart and drop your weapon."

"Stan, take down this clown of a cop!" The first thief said to the second thief who had been hiding in the back.

The thief pulled the trigger, the bullet left the chamber, Jim didn’t know where it had come from and he collapsed putting his hand to his chest. The grocer gave the thief the money in the register and as soon as the two thieves left he called for an ambulance. Lying on the floor Jim heard the sirens far off in the distance. He was still vaguely conscious of his body lying on the floor, and the pain in his chest. A series of image appeared in front of his eyes, Blair in the fountain, Blair and he in the truck at a stakeout, Blair helping him test his senses, Blair preparing class notes in the living room, the two of them preparing breakfast together, and then everything went from grey to black.

***

"Any news, Simon?" Blair asked.

"No, nothing." Simon replied.

"Were you able to arrest the guys who did this?"

"I’ve put Taggart and Rafe on the case. The grocer was able to give us a description of the thieves and we have the video tape from the surveillance cameras."

"Unfortunately that’s not going to save Jim." Blair said quietly.

***

"Captain Banks?" A young doctor approached the Captain.

"Yes." Replied Simon.

"Detective Ellison is stable for the moment but he is not out of the woods yet. He is in a coma and the next 48 hours will be crucial. You can see him in a few minutes.

"Thank you." Simon said to the doctor.

Simon and Blair entered the room. The respirator made a regular humming noise; the other machines uttered a discreet bip, bip in the quiet room. Unconscious, Jim was stretched out, an enormous bandage around his chest. Simon left after a few minutes to let Taggart and the others know about Jim’s condition.

Blair moved a chair near the bed and took the hand of his friend.

"I am so sorry Jim. If I hadn’t had that talk with you this evening you would not have gone out and....you would not be lying here in this hospital bed. Why did I ever say anything to you?" Said Blair with tears in his eyes. "Please Jim don’t leave me, I promise I’ll never mention anything about all of this again, just please come back to me. I need you even if you don’t share my feelings, even if I’m unbearable to live with, even if you don’t want me in the loft anymore, and even if you don’t want me in your life anymore, please, please, come back! If you leave me like this I will never be able to forgive myself. I promise to leave right away if that is what you want when you wake up."

Blair got up and looked at his friend. A nurse entered and asked him to leave. She was stunned to see tears pouring down Blair’s face when he turned around to walk out of the room. He sat down in the waiting room, put his head in his hands and let his tears flow freely.

***

Jim didn’t know where he was but he felt alright, he felt like he was floating. Nevertheless, there seemed to be something...something that disturbed him...a voice. He knew this voice that called him, asking him to stay but to stay where? And who was it? The voice was rather grave and reminded Jim of happy moments and others sad. There was something sweet and reassuring about this voice. Jim tried to remember. It was the voice of...he had it on the tip of the tongue...but then the voice went silent. So once again Jim fell into the abyss.

***

Blair had calmed down somewhat. The nurse came to see him and told him to try not to worry more than necessary, that she had already seen patients worse than his friend get better. Her kind words had reassured him a little. She offered him a cup of coffee but he refused preferring to return to the Jim's side.

"You know, I should give you some explanations. I don’t know if you can hear me, Jim, but I realized that I loved you after everything that happened with Alex. I didn’t become aware of it at first but then little by little I began to recognize these feelings, I found it utterly ridiculous but then I couldn’t ignore the evidence. So I dove back into my research for an answer but all I found was what I already knew that there is a special bond uniting sentinels and their shamans that can become very strong and that can mean thousands of things."

"Blair?"

"Megan, what are you doing here?" Blair asked.

"I wanted to know how Jim was doing and I’m also worried about you"

"The doctor said that he is not out of the woods yet." Blair told her.

"And how are you holding up?" Megan asked Blair with concern.

"I...I feel guilty of feeling this love and of having told him. Without me, he would not have be in the street, would not have heard the grocer shouting and mainly...he would not be in this bed."

"Sandy, you know this is not your fault." Megan tried to reassure Blair.

"I don't know anymore, Megan. I thought I had made the right decision after having talked with you about of all this last month but it brought only grief and pain."

"Blair, please don’t say that!"

"Excuse me for sounding negative but can you explain to me what good this has done? The man that I love is laying here hurt in this bed and most of all, he doesn’t share my love."

"..." Megan didn’t know what to tell him,

"I’ve decided to leave when he is out of danger."

"Leave? Where will you go? You can’t leave him, Blair, or me, or Simon, or the others. You have a life here."

"Megan, how would you react if the man that you are crazy in love with rejected you? Do you think that you would stay to see him day after day, and not be hurt? No, I didn’t think so. I’m going to join my mother for a while and later...later I don’t know what I’ll do."

"My god, what’s happening?"

Blair rushed into the corridor to call a doctor. He rushed back in with a nurse and noticed that Jim’s heart had stopped. The doctor took the paddles and put them on Jim's chest.

"My God, Please save him."

"Blair, let them work."

***

The voice had returned, it still spoke to him. He liked being soothed by this voice. He still hadn’t been able to remember who spoke; anyways it didn’t matter now because Jim had just seen a light at the end of a long tunnel. He went towards the light. He heard a voice calling to him, it was feminine...a feminine voice but the other one had been male. So who could this be? Jim was attracted to the light and didn’t pay any more attention to the voices. He began to see forms in the light, one of them approached him. It was a woman, she had a magnificent smile and Jim recognized her at once.

"Mom!"

"Jim, my darling! I am so happy to see you again."

"I'm happy too but where are we?"

"In a sort of waiting room in paradise."

"Paradise but then that means I'm...."

"Not yet, my darling. You cannot because..."

"...I still have something to do?"

"Yes that's right. Go, Jim."

***

"He’s come back! Beautiful work guys. Kathy, please, tell his friends."

Blair went back into Jim’s room again. Megan had left to help Taggart and Rafe. He resumed his place near his friend and took Jim’s hand in his. He was deep in his thoughts and didn’t see Jim open his eyes.

"Blair"

"Jim? Oh my god, you’re finally awake, I’m going to call the nurse."

"No wait, I want to talk with you first. I was unfair with you because I didn’t understand. You know what they say when you are about to die, you see your life pass before the eyes."

"Yes," said Blair who did not understand where Jim was going with this.

"Well that's what happened to me when I was shot and the only thing I saw were images of you. And then, while I was in the coma I heard a voice. It soothed me, I didn’t know who it belong to, but I knew in my heart that...that it was the person I love," said Jim breathlessly.

"Jim? You mean that...." Blair couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

"Yes, I love you, Chief, even if you are impossible sometimes and even if it seems incredible."

Blair looked at Jim and couldn’t stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. He could not believe what he had just heard. His Jim had just said that he loved him, that their love was mutual. He was already thinking about everything they would do when Jim was better, of all the things that were going to change in their lives. But suddenly the machine made the disastrous bip, bip sound again. The doctor ran into the room, followed by the nurse. Blair saw them fussing around Jim but he had the impression that is was all a dream, not to be able to do anything he felt helpless. A few minutes passed, but it seemed like years for Blair. He saw the doctor shake his head and walk towards him.

"I am very sorry," he said, "We did everything we could but...."

"NOOOO! It’s not possible, you have to continue, he can’t...he can’t be ...Dead...Not Jim! Not now!" Blair screamed.

***

"Mom!"

"You returned, my darling. This time we will stay together. You have become a man my son, we have so much time to catch up on."

***

In the waiting room, Megan cried quietly. Simon, who was sitting near her, could not believe that his best detective and friend was dead. Blair entered Jim's room. He was lying down on the bed, dead. Blair approached slowly and looked...He looked and thought that the most precious thing had been taken from him. He approached Jim and slowly and gently kissed his lips.

"What a pity our first kiss is a farewell kiss." Blair whispered, heartbroken.

THE END